Wednesday, January 16, 2008
It hold so much that parting is unbearable. :/But well.
www.xanga.com/roxannefox
Lets not bring it to now its unfair.
Monday, December 17, 2007
So this is what you think of me since the beginning.
Its the same everything is the same.
I was always too naive yet truth nevertheless get to me.
'How sorry can you feel for a slut?'
OR
'How deserving she is?'
Really you should know that kind of feelings. Bigger disappointment that no matter how you have change and prove people still the same way. Or nicer some people already know you still think that way when they play pretend. You hate your own body already. Yourself even. And shut everyone away. And closing from here. Everything I give up totally. Shut this blog shut the friendster myspace facebook.
No stop blogging here.
Its the same everything is the same.
I was always too naive yet truth nevertheless get to me.
'How sorry can you feel for a slut?'
OR
'How deserving she is?'
Really you should know that kind of feelings. Bigger disappointment that no matter how you have change and prove people still the same way. Or nicer some people already know you still think that way when they play pretend. You hate your own body already. Yourself even. And shut everyone away. And closing from here. Everything I give up totally. Shut this blog shut the friendster myspace facebook.
No stop blogging here.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The Call
Tabi called. 1.47am. Her crying and worked up state wake me from all the tiredness. As all the things been rant I just have to sigh at the similarity that doesn't come so often yet not uncommon. No don't call the CNB talk to him give him a chance. After that I stop and think. from what where which perspective my advices are coming from? And then i told her if she remeber the incident I told her a few months ago. How similar and then i realise yet again the differences. Daniel don't even bother the forgiveness he don't even think he is doing something wrong.Yet I was dying to be forgiven then and felt ashame at my fall. Part of me understand him its not easy to look at yourself under that kind of influences unless you have something to wake you up. So I decided to be fair and listen. And feel for Tabi which then I somehow get a step to understand the disappointment the anger the sadness and something which I don't how to put it.
Sometimes we know the solution the right way out yet we still want to let hopes to pave a better road than to take the easier way. Hopes are not guaranteed as always.
Just like she said if she is there he is the perfect guy who love her when she is not whatever he is with her is not there. Questions bouncing back and forth in hope of finding a decision enlighten me at the same time and narrow down her choices. Somehow in the course we are growing and knowing ourselves more. In the most unexpected circumstances.
If you were me will you still want this kind of guy?
If I love him I don't think I will give up.
What if he don't response to you?
I will still try until I don't love him anymore.
*insert of all his life and deeds* can you really do that?
Honestly when you say like that I don't think I can take it and if its like that i don't see a problem leaving actually. Cos I know love wil never exist for me with this kind.
I still don't kknow what to do its been 1year plus and its not he never treat me good.
This I find it hard to give you a good reply cos I will be the same somehow.
man like the old sick saying its always easier said than done. I honestly get stammer halfway and think life its all about problem solving cycle.
Talking to her again later. I love you babe and Daniel you are a nice person we all see its not too late to still keep that impression.
I miss you.
On a more personal side there is another call which made my day(or night). It may just be that 3min 10sec but it mean a whole lot. Of course its always the quality that counts more than the quantity. But yet its not that quantity not important at all. It actually in some circumstances nurture the quality. Some things when you look way way back it makes you smile cos things then was really really nice. As I turn and continue walking with what I have now i could still smile. Its good.
And the coolest thing happen today too. Stage mean more than performance now =)
3.33am. Tired really shag.
Oh suddenly thought of new resolutions. Seems like something which actually we end up will not do. I am not that skeptical yet. i still will draw one out. HAHA
Friday, December 14, 2007
I was thinking about Friendster myspace and facebook. Oh Blogging also.Why do we have them?
- Everyone has it
- To connect with long lost friends (I wonder how true this is)
- To find new friends (mostly checking out potential partners)
- Trying to sell their best part online
- Not getting recognition in real life and pinning hopes online
- Get related with famous people
- Check out latest hair fashion and stuff
- See the success of your online face and speech
- Finding people with common interest
- Able to insult slap fuck grind whatever to your friend without losing the friendship
- Protraying the life that you want not you had
- See how exes have been doing and who are the new chums
- Diss about people we dislike and save their photo to doodle
- Type the stuff you have no gut to say in real life
- Using word play to cause confusion
I am not denying I am some of the mentioned.
Some people can't be blame cos by having them they can find solace. Its not wrong doing all these but if going overboard you just have troubles invited. I just think blogging is sharing part of life to the public in hope people will see it bother to read it. That life is like a movie and you want people to see it. Ahh maybe some ratings can be make possible.
PG----Everyone can read
G----Animals also can
NC16----Acquaintances rock here too
M18----Friends
R21----Really important relevant people
Banned----I am watching alone
Damn I suddenly think all this abit crappy I am kinda closing my eyes already. Really appreciate it if you did read it from the top. I mean sometimes I do wonder if anyone really listen to my craps.
I want to sleep.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I am happy. I receive Amanda's message today. Amazing person in my life. What I am is a part of her who mold me. You are something more than a best friend more than a mentor more than a sister more than alot of other stuff. The one who see me as herself who feel totally for me. Being the most patient and loving jie. I love you!
Hang out soon. <3
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What Is Real?
A real photographer. Who can see beauty in everything capture the most natural moment seeing things with greatest concentration through a small view finder.
A painter who take notes of every flaws and outlines loving his work despite any indentation. Marvel every curve and take pride in his lines.
A real artiste put himself in every situation living the role for the moments. Feel every pain every smiling curve every thoughts.
Anyone who sees that every flaws they have any imperfections is what make them being unique being loved.
Isn't it useless waking up everyday as ourselves stepping out of the house as another and you have to sleep as yourselves carrying the mask as another. While you are stepping out with every human you meet you put on a different fronts. What you say to the previous person about yourself is different to what you say to the current one. Something you can't reveal and then you have to conceal the truth. No you didn't lie.
Is it more of a crime to lie or conceal? or are they the same?
You conceal so that the truth will not be reveal you lie for the same reason. Lies you painted another picture to block the original one Conceal you cover the blotted the details in the picture isn't it the same? Not the original picture?
I don't ask you then since I think its the same.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Interesting World.Have you ever wonder about the people you met or you are meeting in the future? Who are they and where are they now? Like maybe your spouse who are they attach with now your future friends where are they schooling now etc. Or maybe thinking the person sitting next to you may die tml the person sitting behind may just have sex the girl infront may just scissor(If you watch southpark you know what scissor is)....
Anywhere in a bus or walking on streets you see people and then when sometimes I am really bored I will look at random people and think what is their life like? Do not be fooled by the clothes they wear. Below those glitzy clothes its still the same flesh we all have. All they may talk about are the nails they broke months ago washing their stained panties and how skinny they were when they were babies.
Everyday we are so caught up with ourselves do we have the time to think for others spare a loving thought for them. Not just listening to them and care for them at that moment when they are sharing with ou their stuff but really away from them sometime later and put yourself into their shoes feel what they feel... its not too time consuming is it? Not asking you to spend whole day doing it don't be stupid.
I dyed my hair black. Actually by a hot colorist who also brought me for my haircut. *silly smile*
And I love him and it.
Evon have fat cheeks so do I. Temporary for me. We suspect we may be sisters in our past life. Some people did ask before too. But damn are they blind to see the difference with our eyes?! Evon think otherwise she think we are dogs[Bitches] cos we do enjoy each other craps. here is the conversation of searching our past identities. And our very first picture that surface on this earth.
And sometimes we think we are really cool.
2nd pic(she have to stand like that to look as if we are the same height liar)
OMFG
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GIRL LISTEN TO
HARDCORE GRINDCORE SCREAMO DEATH METAL
BRUTAL DEATH MUSIC??!!!!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Sometime Yes Sometime No
-We don't talk as much do we
Its actually okay as long as you are happy
I hope how our friendship will not change even it is so different now
-I am sorry
Never meant to be this way
Please do not think its fuck up
Its something amazing and special
Thankful to you for those times
-You put me in crossroad again and again
I don't wish my image of you to be tainted
Never expect it from the start
I hope you are not blind
Let it be something better
-Please lets be decent friends
You are nice actually
I want to see the products
We still can have beer
-I miss you
All the years maybe more surface but we know whats underneath
I am happy I am the one you turn to in times like this
Please stop it
I see something better in your life live it
Can you come home please
- I miss whorey session
You never disappoint me
Fair judge
I still miss you =)
-Recently you have been on my mind alot
I don't know why
I guess you the only one who treat me the best love me wholeheartedly
8 months had past
And I realise its never really love at the first place
-Wish you all the best
I still can't have friendship with expectations
You are someone I will never forget
I am sorry for him
-You know where you are going
Face your own demon and do something about it
Do not think of pleasing the whole world but be able to have a conscience
-One is enough
You are discoloring your own life
Force maybe a way but not a leeway
Sometime yes sometime no. why. for all that are being lay out right there it doesn't spell something good. each individual entity sound reasonable but as all that is layout nope.
I see skeleton in the closet.
Digging them out is a matter of time and choice.
Not everybody but most of you.
Sometimes seeing them I hope I am just smart aleck.
I doubt myself too. Am I right or not.
I nearly made it but I cried and let myself down again. I'm going to be very proud of myself if I can love myself enough. I have a inner pent up frustration I wanna shout my organs out. I miss having pure bliss happiness. I hate my tag even more. I am sick of it. I am having PMS I guess.
A broken post I suppose. I mean the structure of this blog.
Not orderly.confusion.mixed feelings.helplessness.unhappiness.thankful.
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you Hello everybody fuck you.
'I tried painting a picture today that is in my head for god knows when. I thought painting them out get me a little closer to where I want to go. Accidents happen. Unexpected circumstances. I went to cook and the paint became dry up but it was saved later. I accidentally splash across some black paints but I can only lighten them. And then i thought of putting glitter over to make a nice contrast but that is not something I want. So I lost the essence of the full painting. Something not there anymore. And some deep resolute thinking I can actually find someone who is better at this to alter the painting. Art is everything ugly and pretty anyway. So long it gets the core of me I can let someone to do a little bit of work in my life.'
Karma is no bitch to me. I think it sweet painfully torturing. I seriously don't thing karma works on every situation.
I don't know what to blog.
Cos whenever I thought I feel things is this way my ways perceptions and thoughts end up in confusion.
there is always something you can't say.
And then i realise to know a person truthfully is not reading their blog cos they can't blog the real deepest facts out. It may somehow taint their relationship or friendship or any fucken ship. They know it is being read.
But I know of someone who I come to respect. Maltin. Go search for his blog I have yet to ask for permission to link it. Just go to his blog LOL the handsign is the famous kimek handsign btw. I don't know did you ever came here but I goes to yours often. No I am not stalker LMAO.
Okay something shitty happen I know its my fault but commenting it in that way is so not true so accusing misleading. You are not me. I am very very very very very pissed.
-We don't talk as much do we
Its actually okay as long as you are happy
I hope how our friendship will not change even it is so different now
-I am sorry
Never meant to be this way
Please do not think its fuck up
Its something amazing and special
Thankful to you for those times
-You put me in crossroad again and again
I don't wish my image of you to be tainted
Never expect it from the start
I hope you are not blind
Let it be something better
-Please lets be decent friends
You are nice actually
I want to see the products
We still can have beer
-I miss you
All the years maybe more surface but we know whats underneath
I am happy I am the one you turn to in times like this
Please stop it
I see something better in your life live it
Can you come home please
- I miss whorey session
You never disappoint me
Fair judge
I still miss you =)
-Recently you have been on my mind alot
I don't know why
I guess you the only one who treat me the best love me wholeheartedly
8 months had past
And I realise its never really love at the first place
-Wish you all the best
I still can't have friendship with expectations
You are someone I will never forget
I am sorry for him
-You know where you are going
Face your own demon and do something about it
Do not think of pleasing the whole world but be able to have a conscience
-One is enough
You are discoloring your own life
Force maybe a way but not a leeway
Sometime yes sometime no. why. for all that are being lay out right there it doesn't spell something good. each individual entity sound reasonable but as all that is layout nope.
I see skeleton in the closet.
Digging them out is a matter of time and choice.
Not everybody but most of you.
Sometimes seeing them I hope I am just smart aleck.
I doubt myself too. Am I right or not.
I nearly made it but I cried and let myself down again. I'm going to be very proud of myself if I can love myself enough. I have a inner pent up frustration I wanna shout my organs out. I miss having pure bliss happiness. I hate my tag even more. I am sick of it. I am having PMS I guess.
A broken post I suppose. I mean the structure of this blog.
Not orderly.confusion.mixed feelings.helplessness.unhappiness.thankful.
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you Hello everybody fuck you.
'I tried painting a picture today that is in my head for god knows when. I thought painting them out get me a little closer to where I want to go. Accidents happen. Unexpected circumstances. I went to cook and the paint became dry up but it was saved later. I accidentally splash across some black paints but I can only lighten them. And then i thought of putting glitter over to make a nice contrast but that is not something I want. So I lost the essence of the full painting. Something not there anymore. And some deep resolute thinking I can actually find someone who is better at this to alter the painting. Art is everything ugly and pretty anyway. So long it gets the core of me I can let someone to do a little bit of work in my life.'
Karma is no bitch to me. I think it sweet painfully torturing. I seriously don't thing karma works on every situation.
I don't know what to blog.
Cos whenever I thought I feel things is this way my ways perceptions and thoughts end up in confusion.
there is always something you can't say.
And then i realise to know a person truthfully is not reading their blog cos they can't blog the real deepest facts out. It may somehow taint their relationship or friendship or any fucken ship. They know it is being read.
But I know of someone who I come to respect. Maltin. Go search for his blog I have yet to ask for permission to link it. Just go to his blog LOL the handsign is the famous kimek handsign btw. I don't know did you ever came here but I goes to yours often. No I am not stalker LMAO.
Okay something shitty happen I know its my fault but commenting it in that way is so not true so accusing misleading. You are not me. I am very very very very very pissed.