The Voice Within

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Cigarette Sex

Link to their myspace:

Cigarette Sex Myspace click here!

My first loved local band actually =) Well before any of you jumps into any conclusion why I like Cigarette Sex save that piece of you-thought-so shit. I heard their stuff first so yes its their stuff. Skid the vocalist if you listen to their song(yes you will soon just scroll down) the powerful voice fill with angst and the immense energy that seem to penetrate through every cell of yours. Not forgetting the other band members which include Idris the rhythmic guitarist who have an uncanny resemblance of Izzy Stradlin Rhythmic guitarist of Guns n Roses , Tim the bass player whose height looks can kill all living being with a vaginal, Lian the very respected man I must say for his bold antics in Deafcon 5 and Aaron the drummer with the hot boy next door look. With the power of the music being played in tango with Skid strong vocals... you just got to know it is explosive.

SKID-VOCALIST

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IDRIS-RYTHMIC GUITARIST

TIM-BASSIST

LIAN-LEAD GUITARIST

AARON-DRUMMER

War Whore

[penned by Skid himself which I think is a song for everyone out there affect everyone somehow or another cos at some point we do really hated someone guts. Very much admired the deep and strong feelings involve being very frank of human nature and reaction.]

People are out to get you even when you're through
sometimes, ignorance isn't bliss, don't you even have a clue.
with a long path ahead, we've got no time for you.
Just can't let these accusations go scotfree from the law.
the law of my nature, you've condemned me too far.

**CHORUS**
[If i motherfuckin meet you i will beat you i will hit you.
knock some real senses into your jimmy skull.
If i see you right now, i swear i'll fucking kill you.
cuz you have no clue how you've pushed it too far.]

how can you spit shit bout people you barely even know.
bitch this time, you've gone too far, for your own good i hope you know.
once is fine, i let it go by.
twice, you pushed it, you leave me no choice.

**CHORUS** X2
[If i motherfuckin meet you i will beat you i will hit you.
knock some real senses into your jimmy skull.
If i see you right now, i swear i'll fucking kill you.
cuz you have no clue how you've pushed it too far.]

Falling In Lust

[Falling in lust may make some people do their head shaking of disapproval but hey don't be a all pussy and do that cos deep down isn't this that happen around us and how true it is... and yes its life]

Everybody's lookin for some kind of lovin
But my kind of lovin is a One Night Stand
Well yoiu've got your commitments and i've got mine
So deal with my rejection its a part of life.

'Cause come Tomorrow,
there's always someone else in line

And i think that fallin in lust is the perfect crime for you

Some people say that sex is for lovers
some say say you shouldn't fuck before you're engaged
some say that to literally penetrate is a grave mistake
well i say there're pastors having sex all day

i'm a man whore; to the extent no one can deny

and i think that falling in lust is the perfect crime for you

[solo]

so come on over honey
there's always plenty of room
the night is young the stars are shining just for you
the vibe is right the scenes tonight
theres no need to fight
alright

and theres a reason why we all get horny sometimes.

and i think that falling in lust is the perfect crime for you

Everybody's lookin for some kind of lovin
But my kind of lovin is a One Night Stand
Well yoiu've got your commitments and i've got mine
So deal with my rejection its a part of life.

'Cause come Tomorrow,
there's always someone else in line

And i think that fallin in lust is the perfect crime for you

Some people say that sex is for lovers
some say say you shouldn't fuck before you're engaged
some say that to literally penetrate is a grave mistake
well i say there're pastors having sex all day

i'm a man whore; to the extent no one can deny

and i think that falling in lust is the perfect crime for you

[solo]

so come on over honey
there's always plenty of room
the night is young the stars are shining just for you
the vibe is right the scenes tonight
theres no need to fight
alright

and theres a reason why we all get horny sometimes.

and i think that falling in lust is the perfect crime for you

You do and must look at them in a bright light that something strong hot and good brewing beneath everyone of them that is gonna to touch your very core. Catch them in the upcoming gig at Deafcon 7 on next Saturday 10th November 2007 at DxO.

DEAFCON 7

Orgasm Orgasmic Fox

Lets have some facts:

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (I so want to be one!)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Ohhhh...~)

Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream producing a sense of euphoric and a sense of well being.

Alot of lovemaking can unblock a nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.(Please have an orgasm clinic)

Only 17% of women are likely to have an orgasm during sex(I am that lucky to be in the 17% XD)

A female orgasm is a powerful painkiller (because of the release of endorphins), so headaches are in fact a bad excuse not to have sex. (Again clinic please be built)

So here we go...

I always thought orgasm is counted only when they reach the peak. As my research(oh yess) goes deeper it can be also distinguish at the process of culminating to the peak.

The feeling is more centralize on the clitoris area and as it is intensify it is spread to the pelvic area. When it reaches the peak the whole body have a little convulsion and the feeling of going weak yet the penetration movement became more vigorous. Its the rush of the blood and making you light headed. The extreme pleasurable feelings come together with the muscle contracting or if it is a bomb you can feel the spasm. The ending part you will actually feel complete feeling of contentment and hypersensitive vaginal.

As the one of the facts shown not all women can reach orgasm but I still think most people can but with a little more effort. First thing first know where your G-spot is or identify places that actually arouse you the most at the vaginal area. Usually its at the top of the vaginal in between the two lips. And the position during penetration. Some people can get orgasm through the doggie style or missionary it vary. And most importantly its psychologically you must be comfortable with your partner and not think of any other stuff that take your mind off sex or turn off thoughts.

During orgasm depending on the power of it it gets people dizzy blackout or even tear because of the emotional connection and overjoyed. Kinda out of the world somehow. It gives you good feelings. To strengthen this good feelings eat cherries chocolate yogurt or whatever yummy food during post orgasm. Long lasting =D

Its an exciting feeling getting orgasm with a partner you are lustful to but the magnificent magical feelings is with someone you love that is called you reach moments Nirvana.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

OH Dear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think of you like OMG schmueazx...

I am not a twit oh fuck I am not....

WTH... I am suppose to blog cos I have things to blog yet I forgot and now its like so early in the morninn 4plus am ...~~

So yea yea... thing that I want to blog... something about orgasm...

You believe you believe???

Next post later =D

Randomness=
+its 4plus am and I am giving crazy love mean comments to some humans+animals
+cos only they understand my crap
+I kill quite a number of insects cos of the rain(alot of flies)
+and oh dear again I came into close contacts with lizards so many times recently that I jump scream whip paper throw (all kind of shooing methods)
+my ciggs seem to be missing too fast
+I just ate cheese luncheon meat toasted bread
+at this point typing this I rush to kitchen to find sth to liquidify myself
+and now I am back with a cigg in my mouth
+I just finish a book and going to read Stephen King soon woohoo~
+I have one foot in prison but I am not that affected strangely
+I am wearing I love bad badtz maru w/o bra with red undies and ultra short
+no I didn't mean anything i said its random stuff already and no I am not making you horny
+my bro just borrow my secret kept weapon for his funny gang fight(yes because of the game audition LMAO)
+I add on to their gang conference and go vaginal cunt LOL
+my brother make me laugh like a hyenas when he tell off a girl he want to fuck her every hole(ear hole ass hole nose hole armpit...) over the phone I swear you hear him talk you will laugh like me
+deep down I don't find it funny anymore I suddenly get worried about him
+He is an asshole missing his O lvl
+I am going to go sch in few hours time I swear
+I am thinking about Stewie from Family Guy alot I don't know why
+I think I want to sleep but I am damn hyper now

Bye~

Sunday, October 28, 2007

A Pussy Game

Manipulation. Planting little bombs on your mind and set the tickings. Its a matter of time or rather more of awareness to defuse the wiring. Getting alliance and amour ed with lies or twisted conceptions for your own battle. Yes your own only not the whole army. We know better to leave the army and without the confrontations the exposure of what lies underneath.

How do you feel playing God? The one who think he is in control making the decision isn't God... its the one who knows every little secret the unshown human nature and intention in each people and yes manipulation to cause the chain reaction. Not watching from above but seeing at your eye level the movie you are part of it. Isn't this god a sneaky bastard.. You are God if you makes thing happen the way you want. But yea you will not succeed cos its time now where everyone doubt God existence.

Why not just save you pussy for good penetration then get invovle in these pussy game? Find a dildo or dick or if you are a guy get a life size doll with the sacred hole pierced.

And if you are going to think its about sex I am talking fuck off don't have a need to stay.

Get a life. Its cool to know the knots in everything but you are sick if you want to stay and trying to unknot... getting the army with you. NO.

Voices Through A Broken Glass

Sometimes we thought we made the right choice and things will be better. The world seem to be peaking and nevertheless we never know what comes out of it in the end. We thought we are happy. But when reality hit hard on our face whatever that were good before seem to be an illusion a mocking scene. Then the next step you try to pick yourself up trying to overcome it. You know your core your ability of strength but yet we still chose to live in an self delusion that we are strong and pushing things aside. Especially the fact that we don't really can hold any longer. Tell me you are strong because you manage to set aside the problems the hurts or you are strong because you are facing them.

We always got lost in our own identity. A self set up identity and trying to live with it or live up to it. The storms and disasters in life tend to leave damage and debris on our own set up that things change not taking the course we want it to be. At moments of desperation we break it. Overwhelming emotions for some that you flooded it. And I come to learn that when you are picking up again trying to clear up the after storm people who use to be there before the disaster may be gone. Its either damaged by the destruct or chose to run away from you. Ironically they may be the important element to build you again. Or hope they will leave something for you.

The complexity of human mind always intrigue me and annoy me at the same time. Each of us came to a decision over different structures of process. Some important conclusion and decision came from the most unrelated sources or more often than not judging the benefits. For a fact there is always this what if and self painted picture of how things turn out that determine our yes no. Like example the picture below you may feel the solitude of this little boy or another person may sense the helplessness in him. And yet two people can notice the faint sunlight that shine in yet one of them maybe due to because it is her/his morning time and the other may be eager waiting for the daybreak.

The torn and rough edges of our shell distort the meaning our core is giving out. Its never easy to fix the shell no matter how it is tried to cover up. This tend to lead us letting whatever from the core already conceited. So that when it is through the broken shell to be conceded.

Voices through a broken glass... Is that truly your voice within?

Does it wound your vanity looking in the mirror?

Saturday, October 27, 2007

The Midget Whore, The Nympho and the Asylum escaped GF

Town-ing with Jess and Evon.
Had Subway oh thats <3!>
And Conor called... yayness =D
But gotta ask him to call back again again cos......
fuck its embarrassing and flattering...
MY BRA SPLIT AND I HAVE TO CHANGE~

(Same color tho)

They bribe me with ciggs and beers for asking me to approach the white kids...
But haaha I am freeloader I didn't LOL
Got the beer and cigg tho
sweetness~
And Evon drank milo~~~

Fool around in Toy R us

(Evolution of human)

(your nightwitch)

(The fork is not going into my nose)

Borders to do our thang~~
And saw Mervyn Josh Trish(another Trish) karina Jolyn Pram and Sarah.

I swear its not the beer that make this things fall... its an... accident...
And no I didn't violate it... =X

ENCORE

(Towering over Evon)

(taming the insane)

Headed back home with Evonnie the Midget whore.

KILLING LONELINESS - HIM

Memories sharp as daggers
Pierce into the flesh of today
The suicide of love took away all that matters
And buried the remains in an
Unmarked grave in your heart

With the venomous kiss you gave me,
I'm killing loneliness
With the warmth of your arms, you saved me
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

Nailed to the cross together
As solitude begs us to stay
Disappear with a lie forever
And denounce the power of death over our souls
As secret words are said to start a war

With the venomous kiss you gave me,
I'm killing loneliness
With the warmth of your arms, you saved me
Oh, I'm killing loneliness with you
The killing loneliness that turned my heart into a tomb
I'm killing loneliness

Killing loneliness

I'm killing loneliness

With the venomous kiss you gave me, I'm killing loneliness
With the warmth of your arms, you saved me

I can't stop listening to this song.

Its so related.
Thanks Conor awesome dude from NZ.

A piece of the us may be lost along the path of life we walk... that piece is a building block which mold us our character and personality. The bad one will be left behind but sometimes we accidentally left the good ones somewhere. And its by strength gain strength. Having the strength to take back our strength. Or unconsciously you pick up the bad one too.

MY MIDGET WHORE WHO FEEDS ON YELLOW CUM

Isn't she hot?

Evon is <3>
She come to my house to drag me out of bed and violate me in the bathroom
Buy ciggies for me when I lost my own fucking pack
Feed me chicken when I feel like a whore like her
Basically such a perfect whore that she finger you real deep and really really listen to you
Underage whore she is.

We have a joint union called the pussy account. Secret.

ASYLUM ESCAPED SKATER GIRL-FRIEND

She rock my undies

<3>
There is a common interest that we can always relate
Just like that whore above came to my house and violate me in the kitchen this time
And to be fair her Reddy is being violated by me
Real bad =)
And her fondles is lstening to every details and give you a life aspect orgasm

Proudly we appear together on MVs. Secret too.

Oh yes I am going to blog alot cos this new layout excite me.
I know it doesn't make sense but it makes happy so fuck off.

Friday, October 26, 2007

The Voice Within

I wonder how many people have this small lil voice inside them. It has alot of different sounds. Sometime wistful sometimes wise or playful. It can be your angel or demon. I never believe there are two voices which one belong to the angel or demon shit. It all came from one and caught in the middle because the voice may be talking using brain or heart.

Sometimes it curse at the rushing commuter that bump into you, compliments in awe at the hotstuff you spot or sob silently seeing your love holding another one hand. They are the true self lying deep withins the words that we really want to say. So whatever that is out from us we really know whether if it is really what we want to say or not.

One thing the voice within sing better than ourselves. Think around that. Get it?

Its just like getting on me violently now. I am someone having alot of self talk inside me. And recently its picking myself up again after the umpteen falls and heartbreaks. In life how much of the nights are crying in the dark how many days pretending to be alright... How many times I have run away from life misfortunes and end up back at square one... Yet its these bads that make us goods that built us... they are broken pictures but somehow fit together and become our life. Its somehow amazing how scenes at different time frames could actually be lend to make the life that we want yet it is not the way life goes.

More often than not we are always guided by the voice within. Nourish it with honey and wisdom.
or it will rasp all the time and don't sound nice.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Seeing officer soon and god know what shit I had done and had to face...
well.... it doesn't sound bad over the phone actually maybe its just a lure~ ohhh~~~

Evonnie here... she walk in when I am naked and she wet my floor wth
Told her I have no interest in woman she whine and climb onto me planting kisses and fondles
oh sweetness tho~

Can you believe it? LOLLLLLL

Do you really believe it?!

The walk in when I am naked is true tho... =D

Skateboardie~~~~ Jess is love! Borrowed me her board and let me violate it...
Ollie and ollie and ollie... hey I want a ramp at home babeh!!!

Love from here to your side... Amazing amazing... and sweetness =) That kind of connections across border... Its like miles miles away and 5hours difference yet you can hear it just beside you at you time... I am amazed by little stuffs =D I like I like!

Can you hear the excitement?!! Nice.

Patience patience patience patience....

I love Evon. She kill me oh yes~~~

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

4.32am to be exact.

Very... very tired.

Oh yes I want to throw confetti again =D
Plus a few jumps and spins... for that 11min 27s!
That is 5.16pm tuesday afternoon.

4.36am to be exact at this point.
Ok I love my brother alot really... no matter what you see in the future.

This is the future.

Jie Wen(Tay Kiat Boon)~~~ Hope you like the new desktop wallpaper =P

I was just abit playful. not bored actually.

Oh yes I want to ollie later OMG
Yayness!
I sound like a drag. fuck you. --||--
[Billy Talent--Line and Sinker]

God my confetti...
*THROW AND RUN

Good.... oh fuck night or morning you decide you like.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Happy Birthday dad... its not the best birthday I know.

Is it so difficult to say sorry to each other?

Before even the mood set in all of us quarreled mum dad and me. Dad and me and mum and dad... And so three of us each in different location in the house hearing the same pouring rain but not even together as one.
Daddy you are still in the wrong I think I am wrong too. If you walk out like that what are you telling us to handle our problems? Its not the walking out its you tell me how you are giving up not seeing what you have done and hang up on me when I tell you its raining please come back. All of us have our problems and mess but I still stay and trying to fix... Its never easy I know...

So when you are back alone at the living room and see the cake sitting there and only lil sis revolving you with the celebration mood and you just sit there not responding. Its a pathetic sight. I apologised and hugged you. You never say a thing. And mummy why do you have to get work up easily? Then the breaking point. Telling the both of you stop being like that and just forgive... Forgiveness... and it remind me of the things I done the other mess I have... I can't continue and break down. Ran into the room.

Its sad that both of you realised and reconcile when I am like that...

Thanks mum for the text its cute and sweet...

Dad why aren't you talking still?

And both of you don't even know I am going court tomorrow.

I hate it... falling stand up fall again and stand up and fall... at least I am still standing up. If I still sit there then I am a real failure. I am afraid of failure.

Shame and guilt. I can't face you.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Understand fully comprehend how things turn out. Like how the essence is lost just like that. I thought it mean something more.

Forget how it is to love you. And right now the worst came to worst already.

Let you see how much you mean to me cos its too late.

Feel love from anyone cos its only you that make me feel it and break the magic.

So now I know there is no turning back
Even if I keep on facing you
You will never turn back
What I can only imagine is the pictures of us together
It will never exist how it is
Feeling so real so true
But have to let go
This night you are not here
The disappointment I cause you love me no more
Who can be in more faults other than myself
Hearing how you love her feeling how strong it is
I know how much I have to back off
I will I am now

I hate sounding all so pathetic. But I am. I beg and force. And let my world revolves round you, thinking how much I can't go on...

The unexpected person is always here for you. I am ashamed with guilt. Thanks.

Friday, October 19, 2007

6am. Crickets. Dark. Quiet.

Just finish watching Edward Scissorshand. Old movies. Yes I love old movies. Their materials were more original and technologies are not used that much. Maybe thats why they are more of tear jerker movies than what we have nowadays. The emotion connections are more direct.

Hours ago talked to Tabi. Sister of mine. Well not in blood sense. Oh Angeline too the other days when I go berserk. Shocked and touched. I really appreciate alot. Its unexpected and in some way at least I know still know you all are still there. =)

Back to Edward Scissorshand. Kind of pissed watching that show. Okay touching too I admit. Seeing how clumsy he got especially at the dining table he seriously need help to eat. Thats not the point actually the main point is the things he do gives out the wrong idea. How he was conned into committing crimes but yet because of his lack of knowledge of black and white and speaking up he was wrongly accused. Alot of things that he do was mistakenly for bad intentions.And all those fucking neighbors who treat him like the new museum toy at first showering the attentions came at last wanting him to get out of their life. Its jus like everything in life that happens people tend to see in a more negative ways and they miss out a bigger part of their life feeling happy. The touching part is when Kim say I love you to him in a way that you can feel its sincerely from the heart not as if coming out from a script(although it is she played it well). Now the big touching part is the ice sculpture of her after so many so many years. There fall in love in such a short time yet they dind't have much left. So when she parted with him she never go back to find him. Cos whatever memory that they had was sweet and she want him to have the best of her.

I am worried at one part. Afraid that Edward will be rape by that hag at the storeroom.

And I slept at 7plus am.

Its cool to wake up with a group of friends by my bed. I am thankful cos I had a nightmare. And about every morning thinking what I have left and what I had not left... It took my mind off. Well honestly thanks =D

*cheers and throw confetti*

Oh yes hang out with best friend Evon and Khai at west mall. After that Khai have to head to Malaysia and left the 3 of us. Well it is really fun gettting back at NEA. We spotted them throeing and abusing their authority on a Shatec girl and we gave the wtfh looks and stares at them. And best friend did the most clever thing... throw the ciggie bud on the floor. Pick it up and throwing on the floor again and again. I only tried hrowing the whole pack of ciggie box ont he floor and pick it up again. Succeeded in pissing them off and they came forward to confront us in an unwholesome manner that get us all work up. Oh that attract a police officer and of course we won =D Yea what can I say the NEA guys are not happy but Best friend wants their names. In the end we receive apology +D Oh god revenge is sweet. Sweetness is in the vids!! yea I tried filming them but quality not that good... well what is more important is the conversation. Perk up your ears yaw!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

As it seem my live isn't my dream. It was to a point that the feelings are so strong and things seems good in the past, when its gone it crashes you. Especially during midday with the intense sunlight burning you and you get the uncomfortable and hateful feeling... you don't want it this way. You can't change the weather but how you wish to be in a air conditioned room. Mornings are not that beautiful anymore. Cos when I wake up thinking what I still have left of me and what I have lost... it doesn't seem cheerful. Nights are the times I am hopeful wishing something that may make my next morning and midday smiles.

As in life, somethings is not your choice.

I do not know where to start to pick up myself. My tagging officers somehow I keep missing the reporting. I know the consequences but yet laziness... School is not as interesting as before. It felt dead and yes a little selfishness I see in class. There is no bond. The fears and worried of what is coming from my officers. I am just so fucking tired already.

Supposingly excited of Deafcon 6 but it doesn't excite me as much as 5. All because of these. I want to get them solve asap its like I feel totally screwed like wth. So yea hope sat Deafcon 6 by then I can have most worries shoo off.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I think it will be selfish if you just want a empty room.
When the old owner is trying so hard to decorate it with love.

How she made you cry upset and disappoint you when things don't turn out how it should be. I was there wanting to let you see a renewed love that I am giving cos I know how the past we were not on the right track. I want you to feel happy again and let you see the world of two person loving each other where all differences will be overcome.

Yesterday I went before the sun is up to let you feel happy. To make you smile and feel loved. I was really happy cos things went on so sweet and good. Till a point looking at the whole picture I realise how much she meant to you how much you actually work it out with her cos your choice want to be her.

Subconciously you know what you want already.
I want you to tell me right at my face.

Yes I may assume things but where do my assumptions came from? Base on what I see and feel.
I admit at some I am not right but can you tell me...

I was selfish cos I cried yesterday. I am sorry I am suppose to make you happy yet my cries add on the your list of stress.

Questions:
Why don't you want to be with me?
Did you ever want to try to work it out with me?
Why can't you believe we will be happy together?
Can't you see the complete love I give?

Yes love is giving... perfect love is giving and receiving.

Now of course even the times we spent together may have some hurts. Guess where the hurt is coming from? You should figure it out. Only when we are together exclusively only when the complete love did come from you too... It will not be this way... I thought you should know but you are looking things more on the other side.

When you are down you tell me I listen and love I am there... where are you when I needed you? When I tell you how I feel you don't go and understand why I feel this way and think we see things differently. And because of that you said things may not work out because of the past.
Baby this is an issue that turn to a excuse. It does not dictate the success story cos it is not a unsolvable problem.

I am not blind. I don't see things only on the surface but every underlying meanings. Somethings I just don't want to point it out.

Why gotta make things so complicated? Two person loving each other what things can't be solved? Love is the most amazing thing and ugliest trigger. One thing in the bible I am so sure is right is love can overcome all things.

'I have run the race I know to a point if the finishing line is not near and my body can't take me any further I will stop and rest till the last ounce of strength is used up. Yes I still love races. I will only look back this track a memrable track I will not forget cos it is my best race but I am not disheartened cos I did not complete. One day there will be new races on new tracks for me to run. Yet I will not run on the same track again cos I may not know what kind of memories will I make there again and I do not want to destroy what I have.'

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Ok I think I can't be sober to say what I want to say....

Great now on vodka...

thoughts reunning in my mind....

Bawling like tears are plentiful...

Don't tell me I am stupid...

I know this it for loving someone that is out of reach...

Thanks Lin Evon Adriel Bunny especially Jess gf who is with me online now...

The playlist god... I love you alot...

My thoughts...

Cuddling kissing sweets to her telling how much you miss her how much you love her...

Whenever I am in your mind you gotta push me back... and that push is so hard that I fall in pain.. so hurt so pain...

I need your hug and scolding telling me not to cry...

I think of the time you coming to my house the day you left for Brunei... Cos I m so hurt and I am crying now but I know you won't come by tonight...

I know since yesterday I should know better it will not be me anymore... I should start forgetting you...

I always thought we belong together... I used to think you will never leave me... I always thought you are the one who will be there when I cry when I need someone...

Memory and my heroine is playing again and again... I don't waant to cry infront of you cos you said how much it affected you...

I want you to love me and tell me you need me... I don't want to be your memory but heroine... Can we get back to where we lasted... where we came from...

Conan I love you... I really do... and I want you to be last guy I mean it...

Right now this moment as I am typing I need you so much so much to be here... but I know it will never be the same anymore...

Please tell me I am wrong...

Please.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

These few days I have been stuck on post new blog cos I don't know what to publish. Words are stuck or I don't have the courage to say. I figure reading my past few blogs don't really tell what is going on now. Figure out from the room post. Now the new owner is spending time in the room and I cannot be there for fairness. I can't call or step in. So its up to the room choice.

Will you keep your old stuff...

The torturing feeling and lots of what ifs is killing me. But yet I treading on this thin piece of ice to keep myself gaiety. I know a little trigger I will be shot down. I am touch by Prabs and Best fren yesterday. Evon and Josh too. Prabs I am really really surprise that you tell me you know something is not going on well for me. A bro that without me telling him what happen and that kind of understanding. I am sorry I din't reply anymore to you all. I need some times. Best fren thanks for cheering me up in every way the movies the videos the offers and the consoling wise words. Evon and Josh thanks for understanding and standing by my side through these days. Bunny although you are busy now but thanks for that sparing some times for me and it really helps alot alot.

Its like I never know what is coming. That kind of helpless and worried. The wants that is so strong that it became a need. The uneasiness.... The thoughts of sweetest things rip me like Jack the ripper.

Oh man yes... crapping do keep me alive.

My mum is love. She is helping me to deal with all these. Thanks mummy.
(oh I sound like a lil girl~)

I am really excited that the infected vid finally was found... it was a impro vid check it out.
Fox as Fox
Suba as Infected Indian
Adriel as Camera and voice man.

Okay blog more later~~~~ XD

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

- Jesse McCartney Lyrics

Yeah frown cos it is Jesse McCartney.
And cos it is pop.

(Fucking Cisco phone can't stop ringing and I got to hang the line)

Look at the people around you how much do you know their core?
Their degree of selfishness...

Every human is selfish.

What degree are you?

Realize it takes courage to admit one mistakes.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Wrapping beautiful wrappers over ugly presents. Its worst than not receiving any.

And all the best wishes are for the sake of saying while I actually wanted to rant about what you have done the whole year.

I don't want to be on the table for the Christmas dinner laughing when I actually wanted cry merrying when in fact need to be alone or eating when I just want to puke.

Can you hear my cries over my silence?

And so use to the wrenching feeling since beginning it began to take a twisted turn...

Christmas is not Christmas in fact.
A painted picture for some consolation, so that when the world end it doesn't seem as bad.
And so...

'I should burn the family while the celebration and merry is going on. Take them no notice and then the final transition of me and them can take place at the same time. From my anger it curve to a smile. From their merries turn to agony. Its God birth today and I kill a family. Your God to be precise. I turn and walk feeling the intensity of hate and heat burning behind my back. Yet when I realise the joy in me the burning became warm. A warm which I yearned. The pain that bound your last moment is my salvation.'

And I realise I don't want to die like the family with their last thoughts of why why why why...
I prefer I know it and say a last string of love and forgiveness. My last breath won't be struggling with why. If only they knew they took notice.

When you struggle and climb out of a hole walk a few steps and you realise there is one more for you to overcome.

Escape the Fate.
Situation.
The lead singer Ronnie is so Hotttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!
Max just fucking faint on my bed!!
Look really good with side angle eye popping singing... fucken kissable lip...
Look out for the three finger sign while he sing. Even that... that... its so sexy
And only if only school is like this (I mean the guys like Ronnie and Max can just pour in) =P

Bunny is daughter.
Conan is love.
Vivian is heart.

If apple is white will you be the opposite sex?

I love you... are you using your ear or heart to receive it?

Some never knew the words they said never understand them. They thought they know they thought it is really from them.

I am worried. Worried that one day I have to pack my baggage and go cos there is no room for me. It is filled. No matter how polish I kept it still need someone else better bringing the right emotion for the room. And I can only be a visitor but visitor don't really need to polish it anymore... can I? Or would you in my place choose not to visit it anymore cos it bring back memories and the emotion for the room is still there... it only hurt to walk around it.

'I hope my room will love me and lock me in.'

And then I know my mistakes for polluting the room. Can I make right the mess or is the room receiving new owner already? And so let this period of confusion be the probation. The choice lies in the room itself. The effort by the old and new owner.

Its not easy to find another one that make you feel the same way.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Friday. Full dress rehearsal.
Saturday. The play.

Jaime Adriel and me were involve in the make up and hair.
Jaime rocks!! She's hot nice and understanding.
Jess I love you!! Thanks gf thanks for every single thing.
And yes hello drama peeps... you all rawks!
Really the list can't go on.
Oh at the end of everything there is a private encore of photo taking and videoing.
*nodd 'horny' pics... we are all really 'special' in a way. The bond.
Will try to get them asap.

And it was really fun being part of this whole production.
Let the pictures talk.

FRIDAY
*as the stripping goes to corset*