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You Are Shit Bitch. Really Freako.

HAHA! You lied. Lied about your reason getting close to my man. You make it sound so innocent when getting closer to my guy but in fact you told others you have intention to take care of him. said you care and love me but right in front of my eye you lay yourself beside him in bed. You are using your misfortunes which everyone of us have when we were younger as an excuses for all the havoc you create all the betrays and lies. You think you have the right. And then now no matter how you lie and even lie to yourself about getting close to the popular people its there bitch its there we can see. You want to be famous. Yea now you are infamous bitch. Do you know everyone have been disgusted by you.

And guess what you tell the thing you shouldn't tell didn't you? You wanna lie to me but I finds out. Everything.

Cos you wanna give all of us your friends around you a bad name so that you can rise above us be popular or loved by guys. Nono so called you frequent use words DESIRED WANTED. HAHAHA FUNNY.

Your blog is stupid. Talking about your boobs to make sure everyone have the perception it is big. But hey hygiene come first eh. You betray me my trust my friendship. You are the worst flesh I came across. And you runin my best friend. Although he is in the shadow of all those popularity frenzy he is happier than you. He found true love and please save you nicies on your blog saying how much you want to care for him and Sera cos you know it sound fake and sacastic. If you mean it man don't put it in such a structure that is so misleading. As you said your blog is view by hundreds a day so you must have a responsibility to type in a responsible way but no its alot of bullcrap I see. People tend to believe you but you see some of them actually saw that whatever actions you have done that have potential to tamper your image you created to the public, you will have LONG paragraph to cover up. And you love to emphasis on your love for friends but in real you betray all of us.


You push your limit too far. You love seeing me die by telling me stuff that are so hurtful which is not true. And you know you are there when I cried destroyed hospitalised I thought you care you know... but you have been observing my weakness and attack me there. I never expect you to bad mouth me behind my back say you help me but you actually put me down.

You bitch about him and you don't admit.
You tell us we should give you a chance cos you deserve it.
You lie in my face.
You said we are your friends but all of us have been hurt angered betrayed by you.


I don't care about how popular you are... How I will end up condemn or what shit by your FANS~ And I said I never write names that ruin people on my blog You are first.
Oh yea bold mine too.


If there is no shit in you no one will say shit about you so don't make yourself so pathetic like everyone bitch about you. You know it is so wrong already when it is everyone have something to say about you.


JESTERBUNNY YOU SUCKS!

Uneasy Roll Your Eyes.







Don't know how things are picture in your eyes. Its always different in each individual sight. Or the words exchange are concealed different meanings in one action to different people. Yet we can't help it to feel this way and wonder its our instinct or insecurities. At some point of reflection it shouldn't matter but once bitten twice shy. Confrontation will in turn to accusation. And then by any good or bad reasons unhappiness set in. Matters of trust issue slam in.

Inside I start to laugh the wry laugh. WTH why do some of you said 'you should talk to me instead of feeling like this' 'You never even ask me' or whatever fuck. And then when you ask they will go "you don't trust me' or 'why do you think of that' 'why are you so sensitive'. So in this position I am always wrong.

I don't know how you see me.

Just I suddenly felt its redundant to think so much. Forget it. You don't notice so I don't care. There are things which you should say. Really after so much it is not that difficult. I know I saw it I feel it or ASSUME it... be mute.

Things will NEVER be the same again.

You never see the face of the person who turn their face from you after talking. But some of them didn't realize there are mirrors.

Ahhh its complicated I don't know how many people I am talking to them. All of you most probably.

And then sometimes you just felt angry frustrated irritated fuck up. Yet you have to suppress them for some reasons. the more the suppression the stronger these emotions felt for me. And then it felt like a brutal rape in the brain.

Don't pin high expectations on me. I am sure I am going to fuck it again just like what I did in my whole life.

No everything is so disconnected. Thanks beery. You got me mind fuck.

Mommy I have too much cheese lately. I felt 'cheesy.'




Chris Daughtry- Over You.
(American Idol 3rd)

The song you must listen its so effing nice the vocals and the music flowing with it.
You may not be going through it now. But it still rock you.

I came across vids on youtubes made base on that song and watching them make me well up with tears but it didn't fall. Yea my maid is moving around me. And please you gotta check them out. I have goosebumps watching them. Oh yes vote darling. Which one you heart. Anyway its how I came across Its Not Over in my previous post.






Smalville Version







House version






I can't choose between which is better but I guess maybe smallville will win by a little just because of Clark =P But i like how the House version have the transition of the lines and the songs.

5 for 1. Exchanging your 5 piercings for my 1 piercing. Taking them out. And you taught me how to see things beyond my vision. Alot of things I have learned since I knew you. People are not taken for granted. Patience of holding on. Different people having different time period to heal. A living display of love is giving. At the worst moments in life you said we should go through this together. So that whatever life coming obstacles we can brave through it.




You said Isn't this relationship all about? Being there for each other.



I love the ways you analyze things not according to what I want to hear. The real way life lessons should be learn. And love values is actions more than words.

And then I keep playing our conversation back back back again. All that you have said and done you put my best interest first. Hard at first reluctant but you sacrifice.


I would really want to let you know how much you have impact in my life and whenever when the scariest moments set in you came across my mind. It ease the fear.




Once I told you I have a craving for sushi
You brought me there in the next possible hour.


In the middle of the night I am crying feeling so lost and helpless.
You took a cab to my house and hug me with tears. Stay with me through the night and we have MacDonald's.


I am having menstrual mood swings. Getting too emotional.
You bring me to 7-11 and ask me to choose the candies beers and ice creams.


I want to give you a surprise visit.
You surprise me with the pasta you cooked even though you are very sick.


Its only a small contribution to my school play I have made. And its not a very big achievement I felt myself.
Yet you bought my favorite ribena drink and congrats me. Making me feel special and don't feel useless anymore.


I am such a nook at music. But I want to learn the guitar.
You search the internet for guitars for some many days. Bought pink guitar strings for me to learn and racking you brains to think of a way for me to learn. You have been patient with my incapabilities.


I told you I never been to cafe cartel.
You brought me there and ask me not to choose my meal not by looking at the price.


I had receive roses but none was as special as yours.
You came to my house for the first time and bought me roses with the drawing and passage for me.


I cried and felt despair when my parent and officer don't seem to see all the efforts I had done and at the moments in your arms I wanted to ask you if you think I have change.
You just said you see me changing even before I ask you. I cried even harder.


I made you extremely angry and disappointed.
You scolded me but cook porridge for me still after that.


Very often I lift my silly puck up lip face cos I want a kiss from you in the most random moment.
You still kiss me back even though it came suddenly.


I used to conceal my face with thick makeups.
And you told me how much better I look without them. And I don't feel the need to put so much stuff to prettify myself.


I want you very much and tell everyone you are my boyfriend. I am proud of you.
And that day at my hostel when I heard you introduce yourself as my boyfriend. That moment I just want to kiss you there.


I am crappy told you I want to minimize you so that I can hug you fully in my arms. My vision of orgasmicuntana. And my strong belief in vampires.
You understand and never say I am stupid for these.


I love tonnes of chilli and spiciness in my food.
You always remember.


Everytime when I went over to your place you will be asleep and I am so awake and hyper. I annoy you with lots conversations telling you the most random stuff even when you tell me you want to sleep.
You never get angry but stuff my face with pillow to shut me up and still entertain me.


I look at my fats and felt conscious.
You told you like it that way.


I always wanted to feel love and being needed by you.
It comes naturally from you.




My life has never been this sweet and gorgeous. I felt spoilt by your giving. You made me feel waking up everyday that I am living something beautiful now. Every sunlight beaming in the afternoon tells me this not a dream and every night going to sleep with a smile feeling secured.


If I am able to sing I will sing for you all the love songs in the world.


I love you for eveything for every sacrifices and efforts. The chance to work things out. For believing in me something that everyone has doubts on.

I love you just because.

I love Conan Cassidy.

I honestly think no one can feel totally how it is to be tagged for so fucking long. Fucken sick of it now. Especially at this moment when people come asking hey hows your tag off already.. sth like that. And seeing how everyone get to stay out late or having stay overs. Fucken 10pm is my time. Yea for all those goody two shoe you think its okay cos you listen to your momma poppa and books. But me my lifestyle its not like that. Just like you nerds being deny of your books. Its not too much to ask for living like every teenagers like me is it?

And then people don't understand. Parents thinking having to protect the last rule they left with us is more important to how I FEEL! I stop fighting and understand and be nice. Yes I understand your position. YOU ALL NEVER SEE. Blind to my giving. Yes we are all good now nice and calm but dammit did you feel or see the torrents under me. I never did any dishonest deed to get my ways like how my brother did. How do I feel coming home? Its not like when I come back we talked and spend times each of us doing our own stuff. Yes we do have nice times once in a while. BUT why why why can't just that small request be granted and see how much it do to me. Having someone accompany me at night won't make going home terrible and time won't mock me that much. Why why why.... Can you see how I really really feel?

No you can't cos you two never try to see things from my perspective and feel it. NEVER.

Its sickening. Just like when you are outside and when the minutes hand move mockingly right at your face and sing go home tagging girl you just hope the whole of Cisco crash down.Its like being force by even something not near you and the tag around your ankle silently threatening you for any rebel thoughts. Nice way of turning us into a better person. I remember my pastor say something he don't believe in closing us like prison in the hostel cos he doesn't want us to change in those kind of environment but in a structured and healthy way. Like providing lots of interest course or asking what we would like to do and he provide opportunities for us. Steering us into direction of our strength and grow from there.

Its just like if there is no police in the world will you still take drugs?

I can't breathe can't breathe through the tight box that is holding me.
I am not committing any offenses and I have to be punish continuously for things that even normal kids do.


Fucking fools. The more you all force using means threatening me gently... the more I rebel. Its like that you all make me suffocated and how can I do what I want freely and properly.

I can't tell you the wrenching feeling how it feels like. Angry frustrated tears does not roll down anymore but spilling furiously. Desperation its like your soul seeing your own body dying.

Be it friendship or relationship there are always this sizzle which in fact happen more often than not... the phase of being very close and being in the life of each other so much... but there is always something throw into the pan that tame the sizzle away. The next interesting thing is the vegetable or meat (whatever is thrown in). Some point we will just be put behind in someone mind fade behind the new memories.

Think back of someone who we want to spend the moments together again. Will it even still be the same or better worst? Or should we let those beautiful moments be as it is. Just like the movie Edward scissorshand where the girl didn't find him again cos she wanted to let her most beautiful times and their sweetest moments be kept just as how it is. Yet she knows he loves hr despite of whatever things. He remember her that way. She got her life a new man but its a burning old flame with Edward. Something which no one can steal away.

The amazing thing about cooking is you always can create your food with the amount and type of seasoning being put in. Special people that last more than those few moments have sizzle too but they are kept in hotplate to retain the heat. Its kept and they are still there. For a longer period.

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Nightmares Are Real. Beautiful Dreams Are Just Dreams.

A Vacant Affair is really really impressive. Something Singapore should proudly present. Which sadly Singapore always present boring stuff.

I am always so sure and convince.

Crestfallen- A Vacant Affair

For all your sins
They will come around again
It's in your eyes
And everything you did

I tried, so hard (but it's too late)
Accomplished all that I could (to take back everything you said)
These fights, I lost (how could you)
I lost without you (take away everything we made)

I will do anything
To make things right again

Now this time
You're on your own
The days we had
Turned to stone

If I could only see, whats inside of you
If I could only know, just what will I do

It's your choice
To break my fall
But this won't be
My downfall

It's your choice
To break my fall
But this won't be right



Somehow life its always so ironic and real. Its fucking retarded that we felt our existence so real when we go through hurts and pains... and why when we are happy we felt surreal... Happiness is never real.

How About Enough- A Vacant Affair



You said hi you wanted to talk about
The things that you should know
I never meant to run or hide
I just didnt think it was time for you to know
I'm stuck at the crossroads i'm waiting to choose
I'm hoping it wont lead back to you
The journey is over our time is up
Just give it up

So where do we go from here or end
We were never lovers, more than friends
Please take your shirts
Your smiles aren't working, no more

Before you go I just want you to know
I burnt all the things you wrote
I never meant to let this pass
I just didn't think that this happiness will last
Come take a look at these tired eyes
Believe me i cannot even cry
If I could I would
So tell me if I should

So where do we go from here or end
We were never lovers, more than friends
Please take your shirts
Your smiles aren't working, no more
This has to go, this has to end
We were never lovers, more than friends
Please take your shirts
Your smiles aren't working, no more

You wouldn't mean a thing to me
You wouldn't mean a thing to me anymore






I am sick of how people know me for the wrong reason that the composition of me and my flesh so cheap. Aren't we made of the same flesh and blood. No matter wherever you are imported its still the same it doesn't make you last longer we still grow old and die the same. And take me for granted. How the word love and care in this world has become so cheap too. If you don't know about love and care don't use them it disgust me and you make me sick. Usually I hate the things people do but don't hate them. Yet I loathe the existence of some people.

I am forced to learn the way of hate. I mean hating people. I cultivate the unions of hate and wrath cos I am so crazy to want to destroy you. I don't stab you from the back cos this is not what I learn from young. I want you to see me how I rip you and took your life out so that your death will be filled with why and even then I will be the last you seen the last you heard that in death its still fucking me. I I amwill tell you right at your face.

I don't need the whole world to have the impression of me I am a nice girl anymore cos beautiful things are always surface shit that people see. Anything sound nice noble pleasing to them they will like it. Its never the truth they seek. Think your fucking brains. My deepest desire thoughts and plans are never conceal. I said I forgive means I really forgive but when forgiveness became cheap it doesn't work anymore. happy with my flaws.

Yes I am having my woman period.

The love of the family does not take alot of me. Cos its somehow rooted since born. Something which is there. Yes there are stories of family murders but at least mine its not murderous. Yet the love of friends is something which I am amazed. They are people who choose to love and give them their all. Its something that is build in time. Construction are never easy. You will know the whether the I love you is cheap or not. Get the drift.

So I bleach it twice and it turn out [Pic 1] Taiwan ah lian. And then that is how I do my coontail [Pic 2] Chinese kung fu heroine. Here is the final colors input which is really messy set up as you can see [Pic 3] colored cunt mess.


9 hours to redo my hair extensions bleached it twice blow dry after each wash apply color coontails setup. So my face is not in the best condition especially my eyebags.








By the time I am done its around 7am when I am all bathe and clean. But I still have to take some picture of the final product before I sleep. The shades is to hide the 5years weary condition.



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Joy Of The little One


I am not pregnant. Don't be mistaken. Its my lil sis. I know I always screw her but deep down I have to admit she is one of those more mature than her age much more mind you. I am amazed by how she see things today and tell me. Sometimes the answer to toughest complicated question do not need a passage of the wise just a sentence from a kid. And the walk back home is not a tired lonely journey. Mind you walking up to my house from the bustop is like climbing a hill. Talking about the simplest thing like how are we going to enjoy the ice cream and candy we bought and the movie to watch. And she talk to me about drums now. Cos she had been expose to a new world. =) I am glad cos I don't know why I always wanted her to learn
either piano or violin but drums is a musical instrument so its okay. I never knew having a little kid that you love so much and sleeping lying against you could be so blissful. [Okay I sound like a mother~] And her excessive conversation make me laugh although sometime it get irritating. Yet whenever I cry she never fail to rape the tissue box for me. Sometimes I talk to her my problems and she may not understand fully i know she do listen to them intently and always be on my side. I love you Vivian. XD


Today a very memorable incident happen. While we were waiting for the bus she was running around and I scolded her not to. Nice timing two sisters walk by laughing and talking amoung themselves. Both of us saw and then silent for mins. My mind go through a rushing million miles of thoughts. So I ask her(in chinese)



And I hug her. Plus a I love you mei mei. And she reply

I love you Jie Jie.

Thanks bub! <3
This really makes me happy yay! Felt much better.
Give a title and I am waiting for the time when I can hear you play this sweet =]


lost in the darkness of loves lightest eyes
in supple redemption we try
trust is unveiled and it sets the scene
of hearts caught in between
the distance fails fates fickle games
over time with you i remain
words sent by thoughts and dreams then received
with warmth for you i do bleed.

chorus:
we suffer in loves light divine
with nothing but souls intertwined
for you my love i will bleed
until we are joined in the breeze

i have longer to run with the fox
and feel her softest embrace
warmth longer for over endless time
neither lets got neither dies
memories cling like age to a grave
in your arms alone i am saved
barrieds of crumbled pas laid aside
only for you was my heart made.

chorus:
we suffer in loves light divine
with nothing but souls intertwined
for you my love i will bleed
until we are joined in the breeze


Penned by Conor <3

________________________________________Trish_Fox__


Fiery red plus 6 more holes.

I Wonder How You Breathe Through Your Lies

Through the darkened room, I saw you lying under the dim light like a fool. Body twisted in the weirdest angle. Moving upclose and feel you I gasp with shocked. The smoothness of your face the perfect reflecting light on your skin you are tightly wrapped in plastic. The suppose suffocation horror has turn into a circus clown. I wonder about this tragedy. How do you breathe how do you live all this time... how can you laugh with people around you how can you be happy of your beauty that is non existence... Yes they sing you praises give you the best offerings beacuse you have never been near to them sitting on the altar. I am a sneaky freak and went upclose to you I was terribly horrified and filled with disgust. That night I burn you and ran never look back. I did cried that night. But morning came I laugh although I see you build back again. You still want to lie and manipulate. The joy in me is seeing how weak the pillars that are left to holding you. I know you can't hold much longer. Just waiting for you to fall and break. So that everyone will see what lies under the beauty of yours. And now you are lying here the pillar broke but someone still wrapped you with plastic. I don't really care anymore cos there are moments where your inner core had been expose to some. You never change.

Yes shoot me in my eye so that it go through my brain and splatter them.

How does a distance pull two person closer and pull them apart... considering the fact that they have never met each other before. Yet its that kind of strong feelings and modern technology communications pull the miles closer. I always find it amazing and in someway drop dead romantic. Well of course movie is always better than drama series where you gotta wait for the next episode 24 hours later at least.

The beginning stage is always intense filled with excitement and of course lots of visions. It maybe so deep the feelings that you kind of reject the partner you already have or any pursuing ones. Remember we haven't met yet and it had taken to this point its something good. Yet we always know when times goes which hatefully just like the pages of a fairy tale book being slowly flip and tell you that it is fiction at the end. The thoughts of all this consistency make it as if it will never be what we want to be. One will give up we can't say stray. Or practical fuckers will say wake up.

I have seen the amazing thing of cross country relationship and really it amaze me and touch me real deep. I have a friend had it lasted for 2years plus yet they never met each other before. Yes it still ends but think of the time.. 2 years at least isn't it long enough to make a fairy tale non fiction... or maybe close to it. Yet I always believe things has an amazing way of working. Where the good thing seem so out of reach but they still will come to you somehow. Hopes is never bad dreams do play in reality.

And a connection you never feel the perfect music that tango with the dance in perfection... it will it will unless you have no faith... As honestly take the emotion feelings to the sacred level only when we really met. Fairy tales are created yet isn;t our life in our own hand and we are the way steering its direction... we are the creator of what happens in our life.

In fact it takes alot to work this kind of relationship but the quality is much more interesting something exciting unexpected and romantic.

Other than long distance romance you can also see friendship. Especially those kind you can't find it around you.

Back two three months ago I rememebered I mention about Talon Zachary who I know through myspace. It shook me deeply when I read his about me section thats is like another me in another part of the world. The ways of dealing life the fears the views on most things are something which I can't put in words as nicely and ironically as he puts. Which is something buried inside me. Although much younger but he is a very deep thinker. We converse a little and help each other by giving encouraging comments and laughing about our unhealthy emotional habits. Its a very friend thing. A kind of friend that can really totally feel exactly how it is... or the closest. But now we lost touch cos his myspace was deleted. Yet I always remember what have been shared.

Does the love trust and care stretch with the distance in between to make it stay connected...

Do you ever have the feelings of so much emotions intertwined that if we are going to blog it became a noisy messy entry... and thinking if I am going to break them down into paragraph and write I felt pointless... Well I guess why not I just think back and look at myself before start looking at the world... Only if I can know myself clear enough clear the dirt so that vision clear and start viewing the world...

(well i know sometimes reading my blog is weird and the weird thing is I seldom uses commas so add it in when you think it should)

What I really see myself and I guess I will be as honest as possible. As naked as possible. Oh yes and vulnerability attack me sickos.

• I prefer movie than drama in life... well maybe I prefer big screen.
• I get piss fast but yet its stay on the safety line long enough.
• Its really hard for me to hate people but well I do at some point of life. Cos they make it hard to love them.
• Woman. I am so I guess I always need loving and attention yet I do not want unnecessary attention... just someone that able make me smile to sleep.
• I don't find forgiving people a task. On condition if the party is truly sorry. Cos I believe life is too short to bear any much displeasures and grudges.
• Yet I am selective of people in my life I don't need unnecessary ornaments.
  
• I always felt being a romantic sucker is a crime for me cos it means I fall easily... yet sadly secretly somewhere I have this sticker on me.
• Thats why I reject love sappy movies in cinema and only watch them behind close door with a box of tissues.
• I live for the most useless times like cuddling in bed talking about everything at night and smiling silly
  
• I do believe strongly in the existence of vampires and hope they will come and have a taste of me asap not when I am at the age of 40 50 plus.
• Don't give shit about your feeling or well being or in fact planning the worst for you if the fuse can't be defuse.
• My tear duct is very loose most of the times.
• White lie is trash.
  
• I am very impatient. Really to a point it will amaze you and annoy you.
• Short attention span. checked.
• Bloods intrigue me somehow but I dislike the stale one.
• Dirty talking is my passion.
• I do not waste my time on people who like to run in circle.

I guess thats about it. And actually its something with looking into the world already somehow.







Okay a really random section here. I was listening to Emilie Autumn and practically hook deep in my throat addicted like heroin. That serious. Anyway this song I am posting is not about her but a very LMAO ROFL song of CHINESE. By Devendra Banhart. trust me listen to it and and that mouth will curve upward or go O.