Friday, August 31, 2007
Do I have to name you?
Nah~ You know yourself. =)
And I guess people are going to scrutinize you when you are better. To make sure they felt some consolation. PATHETIC. PEOPLE.
And yea twisting what I said in blog. But well thanks anyway at least the number is jumping. Its only sad that the quality of my reader... oh how sad~
You may actually hate me in friendster and myspace but BECAUSE everyone is so nice to me you say you love me. So when everyone turn their back on me you can be my loudest opponent and do a double turn. How sweet.
Great is your effort on researching me online and piece a story for me and getting ideas straight off without thnking deeper.. You don't even know me in real life well enough kid... try to assassinate me. The thing is do you think I am as simple minded? I don't know what I am saying? Sometimes read the underlines of everything I have online. Especially here.=D
I know you are here. I will post stuff for you to ruin me?
How sure do you know what I really said?
And yea I already know you. A few.
Be ashamed and cry mama kiddo. LOL
DON'T ASSUME
Nah~ You know yourself. =)
And I guess people are going to scrutinize you when you are better. To make sure they felt some consolation. PATHETIC. PEOPLE.
And yea twisting what I said in blog. But well thanks anyway at least the number is jumping. Its only sad that the quality of my reader... oh how sad~
You may actually hate me in friendster and myspace but BECAUSE everyone is so nice to me you say you love me. So when everyone turn their back on me you can be my loudest opponent and do a double turn. How sweet.
Great is your effort on researching me online and piece a story for me and getting ideas straight off without thnking deeper.. You don't even know me in real life well enough kid... try to assassinate me. The thing is do you think I am as simple minded? I don't know what I am saying? Sometimes read the underlines of everything I have online. Especially here.=D
I know you are here. I will post stuff for you to ruin me?
How sure do you know what I really said?
And yea I already know you. A few.
Be ashamed and cry mama kiddo. LOL
DON'T ASSUME
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I am glad that I have smoothen the rough path with some misunderstandings.
How funny it is. There will always be this 'ghost' who will tell on other person of what they have said or making up stuff they said but please don't tell someone he/she said that. I just wanna to say something straight. You have the balls to even start whistle blowing have the balls to face it. Nothing against you 'ghost'. You just gotta be brave and not a coward. You can even start to have the train of thoughts to run in your mind and let it out so yea. Doesn't mean you do a wrong things you can let others see true friends. But if it is spewing lies cos wanted to give yourself some self security or acceptance then you should go back to hell. If you got the balls to say I said something or making stuff that I said have the same balls to face me.
Honestly I don't hate you but disgusted with what you have done.
I don't hold grudges. So it will not be a big deal anymore.
I said this cos they appear in my life recently. Most unexpected people. But it may not be exactly what I describe above. That is a full general cover and YOU may just posses some of the qualities =]
Just like God says how a tongue is the most dangerous part of our body.
And I am gonna say I am not the perfect flawless soul in the world. I indeed have ugly sides too.
Some less intense things...
There are some songs that kept running in my head
The KKK took my baby away [Ramones]
Its so damn fucking catchy and run and run in my mind. Kind of... nostalgic. That times when I first saw the words is really sweet and warm my heart =]
[I am not someone who love romantic stuff anyway -_-]
Someday We will know [Many Moore]
This sound to be like a typical chick flick soundtrack. But I still gotta admit the song is real nice. The music and lyrics blending. Especially the lyrics caught my interest. unique not just all on how girl or boy feel. Using stories to make a song.
I recently got to see NIN[Nine Inch Nail] music video of Closer. The visual satisfaction and orgasm woohoo~ here are some that just got to play parts in my new fantasy =D
How funny it is. There will always be this 'ghost' who will tell on other person of what they have said or making up stuff they said but please don't tell someone he/she said that. I just wanna to say something straight. You have the balls to even start whistle blowing have the balls to face it. Nothing against you 'ghost'. You just gotta be brave and not a coward. You can even start to have the train of thoughts to run in your mind and let it out so yea. Doesn't mean you do a wrong things you can let others see true friends. But if it is spewing lies cos wanted to give yourself some self security or acceptance then you should go back to hell. If you got the balls to say I said something or making stuff that I said have the same balls to face me.
Honestly I don't hate you but disgusted with what you have done.
I don't hold grudges. So it will not be a big deal anymore.
I said this cos they appear in my life recently. Most unexpected people. But it may not be exactly what I describe above. That is a full general cover and YOU may just posses some of the qualities =]
Just like God says how a tongue is the most dangerous part of our body.
And I am gonna say I am not the perfect flawless soul in the world. I indeed have ugly sides too.
Some less intense things...
There are some songs that kept running in my head
The KKK took my baby away [Ramones]
Its so damn fucking catchy and run and run in my mind. Kind of... nostalgic. That times when I first saw the words is really sweet and warm my heart =]
[I am not someone who love romantic stuff anyway -_-]
Someday We will know [Many Moore]
This sound to be like a typical chick flick soundtrack. But I still gotta admit the song is real nice. The music and lyrics blending. Especially the lyrics caught my interest. unique not just all on how girl or boy feel. Using stories to make a song.
I recently got to see NIN[Nine Inch Nail] music video of Closer. The visual satisfaction and orgasm woohoo~ here are some that just got to play parts in my new fantasy =D
I so want this to happen~ =P
I am having quick breaths just looking at him squirm
What can I say... Its a real turn on god~~~
Yea fuck you like an animal~
I have been crying since sun night... Non stop continuous tears... and in the course stuff just came up and causing even more emotion turmoils. When Tim just go we stay as friend I realised I can't lose him. And I have to tell Conan this cruel thing. I have to face the mistakes I have done to both. Taking in Tim furiousness and things I have to face from him for the wrongs I have done. Taking in Conan hurts and sacrifices for me.
I did see what Conan has done for me. He is just the perfect one. The forbidden fruit that I took. And I am suffering the consequences. The times we have were good tho. I shouldn't jump into anything first before looking at the whole picture. The time was just not enough and strong enough. But whatever he had done for me is already murdering my conscience. Too much he have given and I literally crushed him. I felt like the era sinner. I am really sorry.
And Tim. the past one month where so much emotions and feelings I felt for him and I jeopardized everything by taking a wrong step. It was all going so well and I kill it. I love him. And this one month plus means alot to me. He is such a big part in my life. I put him there. I learned patient from him but not enough... I still have to learn. Every nights how I anticipate our MSN chats and how every meet up make me days. And I nearly just lost everything. The things that build up. The trust... I already destroyed.
I cried so hard so much at the thought of losing Tim. It really hurt alot. I can't lose him.
I admit I am in the wrong in this whole mess.
I told Conan over MSN about Tim. He rushed down to my house even he got a flight later that day. I was touched yet felt sorry. He was still ever so understanding even I told him I love Tim. That murder is even more brutal. And he is leaving Brunei for one month. And I left him with sadness and disappointment. He said he just want me to be happy.
I cried for all the things you said to me.
The tears just flow at the slightest memories that came and words that jolted my conscience. For both of them. It doesn't seem to stop to end.
I cried myself to sleep.
Monday. I woke up at 5 plus in the afternoon. My eyes hurt so much. I saw Conan messages before he leave for Brunei 10 plus am. I can't even reply. Its too late. He can't receive it.I felt tinge of sadness. Hes not feeling great I know.
I still can't stop crying and worrying. Tim said he will consider what I said.
I was glad later.
I came online and Tim said he text me. I rush to my phone. And he said alright he is giving me another chance. I was happy. And I cried again. We are gonna start afresh. I do hope things will work out fine. I don't want to lose it all again. I kill it once and not twice.
I truly want things to work out.
And I want truth no matter how hurtful it will be.
I cried so hard so much at the thought of losing Tim. It really hurt alot. I can't lose him.
I admit I am in the wrong in this whole mess.
I told Conan over MSN about Tim. He rushed down to my house even he got a flight later that day. I was touched yet felt sorry. He was still ever so understanding even I told him I love Tim. That murder is even more brutal. And he is leaving Brunei for one month. And I left him with sadness and disappointment. He said he just want me to be happy.
I cried for all the things you said to me.
The tears just flow at the slightest memories that came and words that jolted my conscience. For both of them. It doesn't seem to stop to end.
Monday. I woke up at 5 plus in the afternoon. My eyes hurt so much. I saw Conan messages before he leave for Brunei 10 plus am. I can't even reply. Its too late. He can't receive it.I felt tinge of sadness. Hes not feeling great I know.
I still can't stop crying and worrying. Tim said he will consider what I said.
I was glad later.
I came online and Tim said he text me. I rush to my phone. And he said alright he is giving me another chance. I was happy. And I cried again. We are gonna start afresh. I do hope things will work out fine. I don't want to lose it all again. I kill it once and not twice.
I truly want things to work out.
And I want truth no matter how hurtful it will be.
Jester Adriel Arista
Amazing person.
And I should start how we become what we are now.
He was just a boy and of course I m just a girl then. In secondary school. Hong Kah Sec. I was retained due to my admission to girls' home. We were 2 different world people then. He is the nerd and normal boy then. I was the angry girl people label 'ah lian'. And our path crosses just because of a chair in class. I took his chair and he is not happy and that point of time he wanted to provoke me just to go see the DM. So we have the big words exchange and chair was threatened to chair at him. I spat at his bag. So we both set our eyes red on each other. And yes we did finally went to the DM. After that we never talked. Its only being around 8 months in the same class. And our conversation is only the chair incident.
That was in 2004.
In 2007 we cross each other path again.
I was browsing through friendster when someone told me about Bunny that we both look alike. And then he was her boyfriend then. So I check his friendster again. The information there just remind me of the chair incident guy again. BUT I can't confirm. Adriel change so much. Look wise especially. So I tried messaging him in Friendster. And yea it is him. We end up in the same poly. Same school. We hang out in school. And yea we are in the same world already. Same interest in dressings and things. And now he is always there in moments of good and bad. The one who I tell everything even the deepest secrets. How when I cried I call him few times in an hour just wailing and crying and blabbering. Best friend give me all the support he can. No matter what he is standing there for me. When I get into fights again he will be the laborer to pull me away. I miss him even its a few days. Cos Best friend plays an important role in my life now. The role of best friend is the perfect the cast. Its really precious when he give his supporting words when he is a guy. And yes people in school mistook us as couple. LOL. Okay. Gotta make things damn clear. We so close like siblings go the bond is even stronger than couple. Oh gotta be in BOLD WE BOTH SERIOUSLY THINK THAT WE CAN'T EVEN TURN EACH OTHER ON JUST BY THE LOOK OF BOTH OF US LOL. He started this first anyway. He is still wayy damn cool. My best friend is a guy. We talk about our hair the color the length the style. We both paint our nails so we can discuss nail polish. Both are Silky Girl powder fan and yes we do share our makeups. Hair straightener.
Best friend has done so much for me that I can't even complete the list here.
Thanks best friend the most wonderful person and the person I trust most.
And yes I do call him Best friend and not by any other names.
Amazing person.
And I should start how we become what we are now.
He was just a boy and of course I m just a girl then. In secondary school. Hong Kah Sec. I was retained due to my admission to girls' home. We were 2 different world people then. He is the nerd and normal boy then. I was the angry girl people label 'ah lian'. And our path crosses just because of a chair in class. I took his chair and he is not happy and that point of time he wanted to provoke me just to go see the DM. So we have the big words exchange and chair was threatened to chair at him. I spat at his bag. So we both set our eyes red on each other. And yes we did finally went to the DM. After that we never talked. Its only being around 8 months in the same class. And our conversation is only the chair incident.
That was in 2004.
In 2007 we cross each other path again.
I was browsing through friendster when someone told me about Bunny that we both look alike. And then he was her boyfriend then. So I check his friendster again. The information there just remind me of the chair incident guy again. BUT I can't confirm. Adriel change so much. Look wise especially. So I tried messaging him in Friendster. And yea it is him. We end up in the same poly. Same school. We hang out in school. And yea we are in the same world already. Same interest in dressings and things. And now he is always there in moments of good and bad. The one who I tell everything even the deepest secrets. How when I cried I call him few times in an hour just wailing and crying and blabbering. Best friend give me all the support he can. No matter what he is standing there for me. When I get into fights again he will be the laborer to pull me away. I miss him even its a few days. Cos Best friend plays an important role in my life now. The role of best friend is the perfect the cast. Its really precious when he give his supporting words when he is a guy. And yes people in school mistook us as couple. LOL. Okay. Gotta make things damn clear. We so close like siblings go the bond is even stronger than couple. Oh gotta be in BOLD WE BOTH SERIOUSLY THINK THAT WE CAN'T EVEN TURN EACH OTHER ON JUST BY THE LOOK OF BOTH OF US LOL. He started this first anyway. He is still wayy damn cool. My best friend is a guy. We talk about our hair the color the length the style. We both paint our nails so we can discuss nail polish. Both are Silky Girl powder fan and yes we do share our makeups. Hair straightener.
Best friend has done so much for me that I can't even complete the list here.
Thanks best friend the most wonderful person and the person I trust most.
And yes I do call him Best friend and not by any other names.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Its fast I know to come to a decision... Yes its Conan Cassidy...
http://mysugaryromance.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2007/08/this_desperatio.html
Sorry for not asking permission LOL =P
http://mysugaryromance.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2007/08/this_desperatio.html
Sorry for not asking permission LOL =P
<3 you baby.
The future is unpredictable but I am willing to risk it...
The future is unpredictable but I am willing to risk it...
Blogging has become a chore for me now... I don't know how to do it anymore... Cos there are issues in life that are better left unknown or even better don't exist. Whatever I blog I can't be fake and the truth will affect one or another. Its a
choice that I have to make now... which both options will end up me being sad hurt but also a release and happiness await... really really pain me alot for both. God its not easy at all. Now I seriously see the unfairness of everything. Especially to the two. But I am not even sure if one of them even see it as an issue or maybe it doesn't matter. I will never let the things hang there never. It killed me enough now... I know I have got to do something but the obstacle is always my tag the time. It never favor me at all. Sometimes I feel time is running out and it tired me. So tempted to let everything go and just run away from everything not face any of them anymore.I am too ashame of my feelings and emotions. Too weak to handle all this.
You are the first that I have been so patient and waited
At least you didn't let it stay we did move to somthing better
But you just put out the rod and hold back and forth
And although it is better than the initial stage it became stagnant
And because we take things at a pace I am so used of you in my life
Just awaiting for the move to a bigger role in it
But it seem it never came and you don't even realise
What do you really want me as?
I am even guessing if I tell you I am attach you won't even be affected
Its just another chick you may label
Maybe I just have to get use of you not in my life
It hurt me that you will never be mine
We are moving fast but it doesn't seem bad
All was sweet and you really make me see love
Something I am so skeptical about
We cried in arms for the unfairness
We work to make it better
So much you gave me that I want to give you all you need
We have all to make it good
oh baby its me my indecisiveness my fault
I want to make right for both of us
Make it work make you happy
Can you be not sad not hurt for all I am doing
Cos you should know I do really love you
I do
The time is not even long
but I can't lose someone like you
I miss the smile the look the kiss
before the reality hit us
Could we just live in the dreams we weave
and I will never want to wake up
Monday, August 20, 2007
You came into my life so sudden. But I am not complaining. Too nice too sweet to even pick any flaws and 'if I know'. You read everything in my life see the slideshows of ups and downs. And even who is my life. And that I really admire you still come and striving for whatever you want. But below all this perfect scene we still yet to work it out right and instead uncertainties worried disappointment selfish greedy insecure desperate sadness heartache. i have yet to come to a decision its not easy baby its not. And I know the unfairness. Which cause you to be hanging there not knowing if its gonna be up or down.
I want to make it fast to know what I really want and who. To you both I feel guilt and unfairness.
Work of my stupidility, product of desperation and model of insensitivity.
I love you and him.
I know this will cause whoever reading to roll their eyes. yea do it and I hope it doesn't roll back in place. this is a fucking confusion.
I need time. Not alot just a few more days.
I want to make it fast to know what I really want and who. To you both I feel guilt and unfairness.
Work of my stupidility, product of desperation and model of insensitivity.
I love you and him.
I know this will cause whoever reading to roll their eyes. yea do it and I hope it doesn't roll back in place. this is a fucking confusion.
I need time. Not alot just a few more days.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Hear me beloved people... well I actually mean lets come to an understanding these 3 identities in fact there is one more Anix but it actually come with Fox.. Anix Fox and people only call me Fox so the Anix will be aside for now but still part of it.
So the whole Anix Fox came when I was in prison so before 2007... Anix is a jumble up of the last later in my name Tay Xiu Xian. Xian. And you rearrange the letter it give you anix. Fox is my favourite animal since 2004 and I can't remember why. What is memorable was that I ask my teacher(I am studying in AGLC then my hostel sch) to print a fox pic for me.
Anix Fox.
Ok the main 3s.
Trish- Now something I have to say is from young I was given english name Yvonne. I don't like it when I grow up. Except during pri school when my best friend name Yvonne too =D When I am 14plus I decided to call myself Trish. With the help with some friends and some 'lepak'(hanging out in malay) friends.so that stay with me. And I swear I didn't get the idea from Trish Stratus(wwe wrestler) although I am their biggest fan when i was in pri sch and early sec school. Then when I realise it... happy =) She got big tits =P
So why Love Trish?
Its 14 plus I got this name and around that period of time I am in my most rebellious stage. Drugs Drink runaway from home stealing fights vendoring illegal stores etc. Its a short havoc time before I got my butt in Girls' Home. the name stay with me from girls home to hostel to girls home again to back in hostel again then running away and after that to prison till now. So its like alot of craps happen. I am still happy despite all these. Looking back I am actually glad that I gone through all this cos life is more colorful like I felt shit no shit I have been through but then I am not some idiots who start scaring people around cos I went in to prison they are a joke for boasting. I am a happy girls sometimes that you won't believe what I am in the past.
Love Trish despite all this shit.
Fox- Its abit reference from Anix Fox. Thats the only animal I adore. For a period I am so obsess with fox i start to take a strong liking for people having fox features. Like sharp eyes sharp nose. Don't tell me I am weird you look like pig LOL And then people some peeps actually think I look foxy. I am sure not my features. So you get what I mean. Well Fox=sexy this is a hint. I am not bragging. FOX IS EFFING SEXY =P And so yea... as you really know me I talk dirty that will make my mum faint even a whore will be shy. So the equation is like that Fox=sexy=sex(dirty talk)
Assasinate Fox?
Sometimes I joke to no extreme that make you feel like killing me. And maybe when you will fail assasinating me cos we may end up in bed and I will make you scream my name. (I told you)
Assasinate Fox
XX- XiuXian. My name in IC. Say don't call me by xiuxian. XX its ok. Most people who call me xiuxian or xx are people who know me much earlier. Its funny ask me to say my chinese name I felt weird. I don't know why. Its like I always have an internal shiver when saying xiuxian LOL like it doesn't sound right. But still xiuxian has a deep connection(feelings) with me.
Adore XX...
cos this is my real name and somehow the real me. Adore me for whoever I am.
the oldest pic since I release.
Now I get more people calling me Fox. I like it call me that. Trish I love it too. XX is ok. LOL A little fact is Fox is my screename.
So the whole Anix Fox came when I was in prison so before 2007... Anix is a jumble up of the last later in my name Tay Xiu Xian. Xian. And you rearrange the letter it give you anix. Fox is my favourite animal since 2004 and I can't remember why. What is memorable was that I ask my teacher(I am studying in AGLC then my hostel sch) to print a fox pic for me.
Anix Fox.
Ok the main 3s.
Trish- Now something I have to say is from young I was given english name Yvonne. I don't like it when I grow up. Except during pri school when my best friend name Yvonne too =D When I am 14plus I decided to call myself Trish. With the help with some friends and some 'lepak'(hanging out in malay) friends.so that stay with me. And I swear I didn't get the idea from Trish Stratus(wwe wrestler) although I am their biggest fan when i was in pri sch and early sec school. Then when I realise it... happy =) She got big tits =P
So why Love Trish?
Its 14 plus I got this name and around that period of time I am in my most rebellious stage. Drugs Drink runaway from home stealing fights vendoring illegal stores etc. Its a short havoc time before I got my butt in Girls' Home. the name stay with me from girls home to hostel to girls home again to back in hostel again then running away and after that to prison till now. So its like alot of craps happen. I am still happy despite all these. Looking back I am actually glad that I gone through all this cos life is more colorful like I felt shit no shit I have been through but then I am not some idiots who start scaring people around cos I went in to prison they are a joke for boasting. I am a happy girls sometimes that you won't believe what I am in the past.
Love Trish despite all this shit.
Look what I have only got compare to her *hung head in shame
Fox- Its abit reference from Anix Fox. Thats the only animal I adore. For a period I am so obsess with fox i start to take a strong liking for people having fox features. Like sharp eyes sharp nose. Don't tell me I am weird you look like pig LOL And then people some peeps actually think I look foxy. I am sure not my features. So you get what I mean. Well Fox=sexy this is a hint. I am not bragging. FOX IS EFFING SEXY =P And so yea... as you really know me I talk dirty that will make my mum faint even a whore will be shy. So the equation is like that Fox=sexy=sex(dirty talk)
Assasinate Fox?
Sometimes I joke to no extreme that make you feel like killing me. And maybe when you will fail assasinating me cos we may end up in bed and I will make you scream my name. (I told you)
Assasinate Fox
Fuck... this look sad but I seriously want the fox fur... =D
XX- XiuXian. My name in IC. Say don't call me by xiuxian. XX its ok. Most people who call me xiuxian or xx are people who know me much earlier. Its funny ask me to say my chinese name I felt weird. I don't know why. Its like I always have an internal shiver when saying xiuxian LOL like it doesn't sound right. But still xiuxian has a deep connection(feelings) with me.
Adore XX...
cos this is my real name and somehow the real me. Adore me for whoever I am.
the oldest pic since I release.
Now I get more people calling me Fox. I like it call me that. Trish I love it too. XX is ok. LOL A little fact is Fox is my screename.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Went out with Tim today. =D Hmmm... I dunnoe what to say more cos there isn't much to say its just happy for me. Its like I am more at ease. I like him alot alot alot and I guess I love him. Well I truly hope its love. I want him. I want to tell him some stuff that are buried deep deep inside me. Whats the outcome so be it. And yea I love him. Be part of my life. I am crazy I miss him now.
Kiss me and tell me love
hug me like I'm all you have
Hold me to let me know you are here
You know for you I'll always be there
Kiss me and tell me love
hug me like I'm all you have
Hold me to let me know you are here
You know for you I'll always be there
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Okay I was slugging affected emotional ass shit for the past 24 hours but I am okay now. I am a asshole fucking retard. Hell yea if you agree you are one too =DI am now in a block at Bukit Batok aimless thanks to someone. Been a nice companion I should stop complaining. Yea I complain alot just now haaha. And mut be wondering how I get my internet connection... I jut automatically connect to some people wireless... LOL
I took some pictures last week and are all up in my myspace and friendster. Hmm... someone use my picture in friendster. Here is her link =D
http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=18138476
Not really angry but just displease she didn't make good use of it haaha in her shoutout saying lovey dovey stuff and said herself loser USING my pic. Man that is so not me with all the sweet love stuff eewww~ Check her out... and thanks for all the pics out there spamming at her in the pic comment... Why not come and comment my pics instead.. LOL it funny when at a faker have more comments than my original one haaha go and comment my pics I love you <3 The 'infamous' pic
I do a makeover for my brother. From an ah beng to some punk kid. It better. Call him poser all you losers. Its at least far better than those shallow ah beng. Look at them no proper language learning and screw up vocabs. Yea I hate my brother when he have his ah beng attitude. They seem to have no worries cos they always have a solution FIGHT CALL GANG and I haahahhaaha LOLOLOL A small bump by passer by call gang haahaahaa its just like you don't know how to fold your blanket and you call your grandmother uncle aunty grandfather come your house Lousy gangsters haahahaahaa okay enough I speak alot about them in my older post =D Lets take a look at my brother.
Ah Beng Me and my bro He is wearing eyeliner
And so youcan know we share our clothes... it get annoying sometimes. Like today he took my eyeliner~
And exclusive in my friendster private pictures I am showing it here~ <3 them ="D
And exclusive in my friendster private pictures I am showing it here~ <3 them ="D
I love my G string =P Its bootylicious.
So do you think now its time to love me?
So do you think now its time to love me?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Ok today screwed screwed screwed!I woke up late and suppose to go Exile gig...
When I want to try to rush down my bedroom door got itself stuck at the wrong time again...~
And mum not at home to pass me cash
So I was left to wander around my room... and then finally everything was alright time is shit already...evening went to Mad Jack with my brother and we stroll around for a while. At Duke rd Duchess rd and Princess of wales rd. Rocking rd names. Its nice in the night and cool ambience walking down the streets. And then we chatted. Alot of thoughts running through my mind. We will touch on that later. Follow by going to our house hawker to visit his friends working there and got treated by Colin free Sambal Squid. =) Run into my uncle and cousin but I gotta rush home already.
What is exactly dating? Some couple who are already together in the sense that they belong to each other and have done more intimate stuff still consider themselves dating even when status is already boyfriend and girlfriend. Another kind is 2 people hanging out going out together and no deep intimate stuff more of on a stage with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in a relationship. And there is this kind where dating in their context involve more people... which mean dating more than one person at a time.
My thoughts- Dating is indeed 2 person trying to access each other suitability. I would not date more than one person cos I can't I want it but I can't. I am more of one to one person unless I sense any instabilities its a different thing. Cos in the first place if you are even in a dating stage that mean there is interest between 2 person already but not wanting to jump into a relationship without satisfying the interest. But I will still get to know people around and not pushing away opportunities, its just it will not be dating more than one.
Someone ask me why should I be doing this since I am not even in a relationship. And what if he is also dating another person this kind of stuff he don't have the need to tell you. What can I say? True he don't have the need to tell me and he may be dating other chicks too. So its all by actions and feelings for me to judge whether should I be doing the same to date others myself. I mean I have gotten on Titanic once where everything seem nice at first and in the end its ruin, so yea... there will be worries and safe actions. So you wanna know the answer? I still have yet to figure out yet but I kind of getting there already knowing how it will be.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Well what can I say... Madness!!
Its a kind of euphoric feel... Avenged Sevenfold rock my undies!! I manage to film only abit but quality isn't great. So yea... the moment was still captured tho... Love it. Its nice of them to interact with us than rather I do my job and shut up. They are the stars and brought the crowd on ecstasy.
If its just 102 bucks for them... I have no regrets. OMG... Av7x pls be in Singapore again!
And no one could guess how lucky was someone! Asking one random people for their hand band to get in and the actually offered a free ticket!! In an out of oven fresh condition! Its so random and I was even excited and super happy although its not me who got the free one. Its Tim LOL. So madness madness madness.
And upcoming gigs like Axel and Deafcon 5 ... I just can't wait. Life is uphill with all these stuffs.
God I am too tired to write more update more later at night or something.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
I am doing it again!!
Now is 5.35pm and I just put the bleach... more powder than developer... let it go blonde pls... I hate golden or whatever orange its so cheena gangsters.
And if it is nice it will stay put there for a few weeks and than I will color it violet pink which I will be sure it will come out red. I would rather want cherry red than any cutesy pink stuff there. So I will just gotta check the process often. And spending my time infront of comp. Surf porn, chatting editing stuffs or whatever fuck. I feel like dying mann thats why I do stuff like coloring my hair hair extension to keep me occupied.
Singfest tomorrow and I hope Tim will get the ticket. Mann I kind of miss him.
*runs
I am watching some Family Guy in youtube. It is hilarious. Stewie is so fucking adorable. I want to have a son like that. No I don't want to look like the mum or that ungly fat turd husband. They are funny tho. Lets heart Stewie here <3
Gotta be patient at the start. Stewie getting on Lois nerve. The end part rocks.
'Loisssssss' 'hi' 'haahaaha'
Stwie relating to the teddy. And he thinks he like getting hurt!(Bondage)
'step on my cube' 'slap me like a bitch' 'violate me with a wine bottle'
LOL I repeat this alot of time! Damn fucking hilarious!
This have nothing to do with Stewie but his mum and dad. When sex talk goes too far.
'you foul vaginial-disease carrying street walking whore' 'this is enough' LOLL
Now is 5.35pm and I just put the bleach... more powder than developer... let it go blonde pls... I hate golden or whatever orange its so cheena gangsters.
And if it is nice it will stay put there for a few weeks and than I will color it violet pink which I will be sure it will come out red. I would rather want cherry red than any cutesy pink stuff there. So I will just gotta check the process often. And spending my time infront of comp. Surf porn, chatting editing stuffs or whatever fuck. I feel like dying mann thats why I do stuff like coloring my hair hair extension to keep me occupied.
Singfest tomorrow and I hope Tim will get the ticket. Mann I kind of miss him.
*runs
I am watching some Family Guy in youtube. It is hilarious. Stewie is so fucking adorable. I want to have a son like that. No I don't want to look like the mum or that ungly fat turd husband. They are funny tho. Lets heart Stewie here <3
Gotta be patient at the start. Stewie getting on Lois nerve. The end part rocks.
'Loisssssss' 'hi' 'haahaaha'
Stwie relating to the teddy. And he thinks he like getting hurt!(Bondage)
'step on my cube' 'slap me like a bitch' 'violate me with a wine bottle'
LOL I repeat this alot of time! Damn fucking hilarious!
This have nothing to do with Stewie but his mum and dad. When sex talk goes too far.
'you foul vaginial-disease carrying street walking whore' 'this is enough' LOLL
My ass felt great back to school =) The route to school seem all fresh to me again. I lost my cig today but at least(the bright side) I still got cash for a new pack. Met Tim and Khai at Ang Mo Kio Hub. Slack and talk and smoke. I am home on time!
Damn not much mood after I reach home. That was Family drama start playing. The main casts-
Bro
Mum
Dad
Sub cast-
Me
my sis
bro gf
Crew-
maid
Bro want cash badly and screw my folks to come back early and give him cash. I don't know what got into him to be all frustrated and rash. He screw my dad real bad and he came back and do the once in a blue moon Jackie Chan. Mum and bro gf were there. Mum fall down and from mum testi, gf didn't even bother to pick her up. Damn... Where am I? In the room reading some old letters and dispassionate about everything. Until when I know this is the climax which will hit top tv rate. Glasses breaking and shouts. My bro actually lost his senses and retaliate. And went out not even bothering my tag border line. Yea they have the scene outside my house and the stairs. Mum came back hand bleeding and crying, dad came back heat up and cursing. He ask the crew to pack all of my bro things and throw it outside. Cos bro threaten him that he won't dare to throw him out. I am angry sad... I called bro and he shouted at me and I did likewise. We got into a heated shouting exchange where all the most colorful vocabs spew out. Which in normal situation my mum would faint hearing that. She came over and clutch me so tight. She hang up the phone and tell me to stop it. I felt her breaking and the clutch is so helpless. I feel for her and I know my bro position too. Dad was soo angry real angry that he wanted to disown my bro. I calm all of them. Bro suddenly came back and I actually secretly film it down when he talk to my mum again. Dad out to work already. He started crying. I cried although I tell my mum I was too angry with my bro to care. I tell him I love him don't leave. He said he got no choice. Mum and sis cried at the totally change of tear filled exchange. And then my bro left. He called and ask how is everyone. Fine I guess. Come home
I am fucking tired. I want to sleep now.
Damn not much mood after I reach home. That was Family drama start playing. The main casts-
Bro
Mum
Dad
Sub cast-
Me
my sis
bro gf
Crew-
maid
Bro want cash badly and screw my folks to come back early and give him cash. I don't know what got into him to be all frustrated and rash. He screw my dad real bad and he came back and do the once in a blue moon Jackie Chan. Mum and bro gf were there. Mum fall down and from mum testi, gf didn't even bother to pick her up. Damn... Where am I? In the room reading some old letters and dispassionate about everything. Until when I know this is the climax which will hit top tv rate. Glasses breaking and shouts. My bro actually lost his senses and retaliate. And went out not even bothering my tag border line. Yea they have the scene outside my house and the stairs. Mum came back hand bleeding and crying, dad came back heat up and cursing. He ask the crew to pack all of my bro things and throw it outside. Cos bro threaten him that he won't dare to throw him out. I am angry sad... I called bro and he shouted at me and I did likewise. We got into a heated shouting exchange where all the most colorful vocabs spew out. Which in normal situation my mum would faint hearing that. She came over and clutch me so tight. She hang up the phone and tell me to stop it. I felt her breaking and the clutch is so helpless. I feel for her and I know my bro position too. Dad was soo angry real angry that he wanted to disown my bro. I calm all of them. Bro suddenly came back and I actually secretly film it down when he talk to my mum again. Dad out to work already. He started crying. I cried although I tell my mum I was too angry with my bro to care. I tell him I love him don't leave. He said he got no choice. Mum and sis cried at the totally change of tear filled exchange. And then my bro left. He called and ask how is everyone. Fine I guess. Come home
I am fucking tired. I want to sleep now.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Sometimes when the road get tough you gotta step on the mud and enjoy it. At least I like getting dirty occasionally. Simply look out for stuff that are worth to be happy about than magnifying all the unhappy ones.People and stuffs that mean a whole lot to me once had been just plain forgotten or become just a small useless identity to me. Thats the irony of life especially betrayal lies are involved. It may be mistakes, but some things gone are just gone. You know there is no revival for me. Try to manipulate and I will dissect you. =D Damn it sound so nice.
Ok stuff that actually matter to me now (oh yea no need to brood whatever above). Mummy is love <3. Look at the marvelous things she done:
-Singfest ticket for two days
-new hair extension and dyes
-new phone
-cash for new clothes
-agreeing for me to be on sleeping pills(insomnia) from a doc finally
-show of love by msging me asking my well being
She is showing me love the way I wanted. Finally. Just hope it will keep going. Words of gratitude, I love you and a hug... she cried tears of happiness. Me too.
I get to send Tuesday Jul 31 post to Tim at 5plus after long conversation and affirmation =) I only send it when I am sure. I really am. It doesn't matter what will happen eventually cos I believe its about patient, time and understanding. Its already a step further. A big step to me actually. I am learning (and it is not easy at first) to stop trying to make things happen how I want it to be in an unreasonable time. In short its patient. Still its a big word for me sometime. I am glad for whatever it is now =D Truthfully... damn fucking high mann!!!! *NOT SEXUALLY* Just amazing awesome. Yea better than orgasm LOL
And the song I got from him Patience (Guns and Roses), themed my life now. Oh themed and tim damn rhyme =X It influence me quite abit... my tag my family and my friends. Actually quite alot eh... haaha
And well today again I never sleep at all and went to get my ticket with Jason and Hansen. After that I actually found out that I only have to pay half price cos I am a student. That moment oh that MOMENT ORGASM!! Instant awake and realization LOL. And so I went down to Penin alone cos they both have to go meet their bandmates and I just can't wait after their jamming session to go for my stuffs (patient issue *checked*) Within an hour my cash was all spent and I went to find them. So amazingly I slept in the jamming room... I just knock out dead until I have phonecall. Went back home after that... I am no superwoman. What I bought:
White skinny jean
Guns and roses t shirt
Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt
Converse shoe
Oh love love love!!! Mum is <3 Tim is <3 Bestie is <3 gf is <3 Prabs is <3........
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
First... I wanna share something first before moving to my unholy confession.Thanks list:
Talk to Prabs just now my new found bro and he is awesome. I confide in him some stuff and I felt so much better!!
I hope this is not too late!! Batman actually gave me a beanie!! Yeah!! Although I want black but I still adore it!! And you got my black wrist band... I wanna see you sex the drum with it!
Tim being the late night companion... I just hope nothing will ever change LOL if not something better *winks. You are just awesome and make my day.
Lin we got depressing days together and thanks for listening... lets get out of it aite? You have been a marvelous lesbian cam partner.
Best Friend Adriel sorry for not being in school and be your partner in fag I miss you bestie. And thanks... I saw the friendster comments and it mean alot to me.
Gf twin sister bunny we chat just now and your words touch me... it make me smile and glad that you are still there. We should cam whore soon...
Josh sorry for not talking... we gotta know each other more aite and thanks for understanding and giving me time... we will be great friends... hang out soon.
Arshanti we are each other girl power... I miss you babe... use to seeing you almost everyday haaha... we got that LS together... lets be afloat.
Evonne its been really sweet that you tag at my blog and feel for me. I love you lil sis.I love you all loads and bunches! <3 size="2">unholy confessions....
I think about sex at least 2 times a week.
I talk dirty almost everyday.
I get pumped when I see morbid pictures.
I slept naked today.
Sometimes I put on makeup and do my hair without my clothes on.
I admire myself in the mirror for at least 15 mins before I get out of the house.
I pose in front of the mirror although there is no camera.
I like taking kinky pictures because unashamedly I think that is just me.
I am going to pictures in nude soon but you won't get to see the censored stuff. Art.
I get turn on by men perfume(no. 1), their voice, when they talk and breath into my neck and their hand. (don't ask me why)
I do watch porn and DIY. not 24/7~ 1-7 days a month. It varies on my activities.
I do self talk when I am alone making a difficult decision.
I eat alot at midnight.
I get bossy when I am drunk and have a tendency to make alot of phonecalls. I will call the person I like and say funny things. And I have a lil urge to kiss~
I have had sexual fantasise of making out with Stuart Townsend, wwe Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy, Chris Jerico, Shawn Micheal, Eddie Guerrero and recently Sebastian Bach. (actally there is alot more)
okay thats enough... will be continue if I want.